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What you are able to
read here are Jen's own writings of her two and half year battle.
Nothing has been edited
with the exception of the order (originally in the opposite order
by date). Everything below except for the last two
entries was written and posted by Jen. Those of you that knew Jen
may find some of this to be a hard read.
Those that didn't may not find it as hard , but most can draw
inspiration from her dedication and strength.
She was one tough lady! |
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05.04.04 Update:
Mark and I had a meeting today with my surgeon, Dr. Vallieries.
Another Doctor
that we are both very impressed with. He has a unique way of
describing things to
his patients. He brought in a large poster size writing tablet
and drew everything that
he was explaining to us. He showed Mark and I where everything
in my chest was,
which we pretty much already knew but it was just a cool way of
explaining everything.
He caught on, very quickly, that I am the type of person that wants
to do one process
at a time and learn everything that I can about that step before
going on to the next.
He also caught on that I want to get this all done quickly… but then
again, I am sure
that everyone wants that. That being said, we have scheduled
the biopsy of my lymph
nodes (mediastinoscopy) for tomorrow, May 5th. I am thrilled,
I was thinking that we
wouldn't be able to get it done until next week. We should
have the results back at my
postoperative meeting on Tuesday the 11th. It is a day
surgery, outpatient, so I will be
home by tomorrow evening. I should also be back to work on
Thursday which is great…
don't want to miss too much at this point. Thanks for all your
wishes and prayers...
stay posted for updates. Love, Jen |
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05/06/04 Update:
Hi everyone, just wanted to let you all know about my procedure
yesterday.
Mark and I woke up to a phone call at about 8:30 asking if we could
get to
the hospital early which was wonderful. We checked in around
10:00 and
the procedure was scheduled for around noon (two hours early).
We were
escorted up to the room where we meet the anesthesiologist and get
prepared for the surgery. Mark and I were sitting there
watching people
and listening to conversations... just laughing at things and trying
to ease
the tension of the situation. Around the corner comes a man
that looks
stunningly like 2E one of the bartenders from the Little Red Hen...
he walks
up and says, "Hi Jennifer, I am going to be your anesthesiologist
today."
Mark and I were ROLLING... 2E is a great guy but the only shots I
want him
giving me, come in a glass. It was just a really good tension
breaker for the
two of us.
The procedure itself went smoothly and the doctor got the biopsies
and
rechecked my lungs while he was down there.
When I woke up he came in and broke the bad news.
Unfortunately, my lymph
nodes do show cancer in them... definitely not the news we were
hoping for.
What this means, as far as my understanding at this point, surgery
is not the
next step. Chemotherapy and radiation are. We have an
appointment with my
Oncologist on Monday afternoon to learn about this whole new scary
step.
We have kind of been avoiding this part just because it is so
terrifying but its
time to get all the facts. My surgeon also sent me to have a
head CT scan to
make sure that none of the cancer has spread to my brain (not a
likely situation
but definitely something that we just need to rule out).
We want to thank you all for your wonderful letters, cards and
emails. Mark
and I are extremely touched and are really depending on your prayers
and
wishes. We know that good thoughts, warm wishes and prayers
can help
fix anything, we saw it happen with Shaekira. You are all
wonderful friends
and we love you very much. Please consider yourself
((((((((((((HUGGED)))))))))))))
All my love,
Jen |
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05-10-04 (My Mom's Birthday! Love you
Mom!)
Happy Monday Everyone!
I had the meeting with my oncologist this afternoon and it went
pretty
much as expected.
First off... the CT scan that I done on Thursday to see if the
cancer
had made it up to my noggin came back normal. No problems there
and really, none were expected but we will definitely take all the
good
news we can get :)
The results from the biopsy pretty much reflected what my surgeon
told
us after the procedure. The cancer was found in a lymph node that
was
in the upper right side of my chest. This means that it has traveled
from
my lower left lung, where the tumor is, up the nodes in my chest. It
is
safe to assume that the nodes between A and B are effected. This
rules
out surgery ... there is just too much that would need to be taken
out and
to many other things in that area that I need to have to stay alive
and keep
myself going. This puts me in stage 3B. This means the next step is
Chemotherapy and Radiation.
As far as the scheduling for the chemo/radiation, it looks
like we may start the first dose of chemo this week and the
radiation by
the first of next week. Chemo will be once a week and the radiation
will
be once a day, five times a week (wow!). As far as how long this
will all
last, we aren't positive yet but will know soon. The actual schedule
will
be given to us tomorrow.
My doctor said to expect lots of different side effects but that
everyone
experiences them to different degrees. We will just have to wait and
see
how this all effects me. He said that the radiation is what will
wear me
down the most and that I should probably not expect to work more
than
part time... probably less after the first couple weeks.
Tomorrow I have appointments with my surgeon who will check the
incision
in my chest to make sure that it is healing correctly and then over
to my
pulmonologist (the head of my team) to make sure that everything is
in
order and that all questions are answered.
You have all been so incredible with your inspiring emails and notes
of
concern and care. I am absolutely astonished by my incredible
support
system. You are all a part of my recovery and I couldn't do it
without
every single one of you. Thank you to everyone that has included me
in
their prayer circles and just passed on my story to people that you
know.
I am getting emails from all over the country from people that I
don't know
and people that don't know me. This is turning into an incredible
learning
experience in so many ways... it is a horrible way to do it, but
this is
definitely going to make me a better person.
All our love,
Jen, Mark and Shaekira |
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05/12/04
Hi All,
Just a quick update to let you know that there really isn't any new
news.
My appointments on Tuesday went well, my incision from the biopsy is
healing nicely and all the doctors on my team believe that we are
ready
to start the next step of chemo and radiation. We were talking
about
starting the chemo this week but now are going to wait till the
first of
next week, radiation should start then too. We will have the
actual
schedule or at least the beginning of it, by tomorrow. We will
also get
information as far as how long this step will last when I meet with
the
radiation people. They will determine that on my first
appointment.
From what we understand, it generally lasts for four to six weeks.
So
anyway, in kind of a weird way of looking at it, I have a few days
"off".
On a much more pleasant note...
My husbands band, Latigo Lace, has a CD release party on Friday.
It is a project that they have been working on for months and
something
that they have put their hearts and souls into. I am very
excited that I am
going to get to go to the party, if even for a just little while.
It is being held
at the Little Red Hen in the Greenlake neighborhood of Seattle, it
is also the
bar that I worked at part time for a couple years. It is a
home away from
home and we consider the people that we know from there part of our
extended family. Our family from the Hen is going above and
beyond
anything that I could have even hoped for to help us in my battle.
They
have declared the week of Sunday the 30th of May through Saturday
the
5th of June, "Jen Collins Week". They will be having special
events all week,
including an auction, to try and help raise funds for the Medical
account
that we have set up. I will make sure to post more info about
it within the
next few days.
Again, I have to tell you all that Mark and I are absolutely amazed
by the
wonderful people in our lives. You are all so incredibly kind
and generous
that we don't even know where to begin expressing our gratitude.
Thank
you all for everything.
Love, Jen |
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05/16/04 Update
Hi All,
Just wanted to post today and let you know that I had an absolutely
incredible
weekend. Friday night was the Latigo Lace CD Release party at the
Little Red
Hen and it went fantastic. I got to see tons of people that I
consider near and
dear to my heart and even got a chance to just get my mind off of
this whole
mess.
I am so thrilled that Mark and I decided that the band is something
that
he is going to continue to do. With all that is going on, we came to
the
realization that we need to try and continue to live our lives while
we deal
with all the upcoming chaos. He needs something that he can do for a
"release" and I need to know that he has that. Some people disagree
with
this decision but they aren't in our shoes. The band is important to
both
of us.
Saturday was a great day too. My friends Debbie, Tyanna, and Vickie
came
over and we went to another friends hair studio. Deb, Ty and I
decided that we
wanted to cut our hair SHORT and donate it to Locks of Love.
Melinda,
our stylist, closed her shop and it was just the 5 of us. We spent
the day
cutting, laughing and just having a great time. From there I came
home and
got a much needed nap. When I got to the Hen later that night, I
walked in to
see a 5 of my guy friends with shaved heads. They did it in support
of me. I,
of course, am so completely touched that I cant even express it in
the way that
it deserves. I have pictures from the whole day and will try to get
them on the
site as soon as possible.
Tomorrow is a big day and I am feeling pretty anxious and scared. It
helps to
know that you, my friends, family and angels, are going to be
praying for me
and keeping me in your thoughts.
I have one more favor to ask of you all... when saying your prayers,
please
include one of my friends, Jody. She has also been diagnosed with
cancer
recently and is now dealing with this horrible demon.
I love you all,
Jen |
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| 05/17/04
Update Today is over and I am happy. It was a long day of waiting
and sitting. Everyone knows
that Mondays always seem to be the busiest days at doctors offices
and today was no
exception. It’s a good thing that Colleen (one of my bosses) and her
son gave me the
Lance Armstrong book to read. By the way, it is incredible if you
get the chance to
read it.
We met with the radiation doctor first. My fourth doctor and he
seems to be another
great one. Apparently the radiation set up process isn’t as easy as
we thought and
involves more time than we thought. They have to set up a whole
system on me so
that the radiation goes EXACTLY where they want it. I go in tomorrow
at 8:00 to get
some more tests done and it sounds like they kinda make a "shield"
thing that makes
sure the radiation treatment is very precise. The actual therapy
will start Monday next
week.
From there we went up to talk to the Oncologist, Dr. Kaplan, and
had all final Chemo
questions answered. We wound up in the Chemo room around 2:00. They
got my IV
set up and started the process. First they put in three
pre-medications that help my
body accept the Chemo drugs and battle nausea and allergic
reactions. Then the put
in the Chemo drug. They did it slowly and sat with me for the first
15-20 minutes to
make sure that there were no odd reactions. They upped the speed
every few minutes
until we were up to regular speed. Everything went well and next
time they will add one
more Chemo drug to the mix. Today we were done around 4:15 and able
to come home.
I am tired but think that it is just because it was such a long day.
They say that the
actual reactions probably won’t affect me until next week or so.
All in all, it was a stressful day but went smoothly. Unless
something odd happens over
night, I have every intention of going to work tomorrow after my
appointment.
Love to you all,
Jen |
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Update
05/24/04
First off, the goal for this past week was to get me fattened up. I
have been
eating like a person that thinks that she is never going to eat
again and have
actually put on a few pounds. The radiation is supposed to take away
my
appetite, give me a real case of heartburn, and make it really
difficult to swallow.
I am on a high fat, sugar and carb diet... eat as much as possible
as often as
possible. It's actually kinda funny to look back at the end of a day
and realize
what I have eaten. Thanks so much to my boss Lorenzo, he has been
awesome
making sure that I am getting food during the days! I worked all
week and felt
great. I took a few extra naps but other than that, all is good.
Today started off at 8:30 with the first radiation treatment. The
actual procedure
only actually takes about 45 seconds and is very similar to having
an x-ray. The
machine itself makes a small hum as it moves around me. It takes
longer to get
me lined up vertically and horizontally than to get the radiation. I
am all marked
up with pen lines at this point so that they can line me up
correctly. Within the
next couple days, they will let me scrub off the pen lines but they
will be replaced
with permanent little blue freckle sized "tattoos". I would be lying
if I said that the
procedure wasn't emotionally draining, and scary, but physically, it
was a piece
of cake. The thought that I have to do it Monday thru Friday for the
next month
sucks but its the way that we are going to beat this thing and that
is my true
inspiration. I have to say that I am amazed by the people that work
in the
radiation department. They are all incredible! They all know me by
name,
always have beautiful things to say and treat me like they have
known me for
a long time, when in actuality, I've only been there three times. It
takes a very
special person to work in that capacity and, let me tell you, these
people are
very special. Bless them all.
I got to come home afterwards for a while and relax from the
radiation before
having to go back for the chemo. I needed to be back for an
appointment with
my doctor at 1:40. Unfortunately, its Monday again and the schedule
was
packed. I got into see him around 2:45 and then up to the treatment
center
for the chemo. Started that around 3:30. Today they added the second
type
of chemo drug to the mix so this was the first "full" dose that I
will be getting
from here on out. It took three hours to get it all pumped into my
system and
is soooooo boring! I have books and they have a TV for each patient,
but its
hard to keep your mind on something in that type of situation. The
one really
great part about it was that I had a space that had a huge window
and I got to
spend the time looking out over downtown Seattle and it was a
gorgeous day.
It is amazing what a little sunshine can do to make you feel better.
I also had
my new "blankie" that some dear friends had made for me. I am proud
to say
that I am a 34 year old that has a beloved kitty security blanket :)
Tonight I am feeling some nausea but have some pills that are
supposed to
help. I am also a little tired but again, not sure if it is just
because it was
such a long day or if it is a side effect. All in all, I have to say
that I am
feeling good and my spirits are up. With all the friendship that I
am being
shown by all you incredible people, there is no excuse for feeling
down.
Every day I am amazed by all your emails, gifts and donations. I was
certainly not prepared for all this generosity but I have got to
tell you all that
you are my strength. When I start to feel down, all I have to do is
pull up the
website and look at all the people that have visited looking for
information. I
honestly cannot believe how big this has become and it just keeps
getting
bigger. I am told by many of you that you appreciate my openness
about
my situation and I am thrilled to hear it. Everyone that reads my
updates, I
consider my friend, and I want my friends to understand as much as
possible.
I am uplifted by those of you that are using my situation as a
starting block
for quitting smoking, there are many. If I can help with that,
please let me
know, I am proud of you for trying!!! I am trying to reply to all
the emails and
letters that I get while I am feeling well enough to do so. If I
have missed a
few I am sorry and if I start missing some coming up, I know that
you will
understand.
I have to tell you all to check out WWW.LittleRedHen.Com for their
upcoming
"Jen Week" festivities. They are going above and beyond to help
raise money
for my Medical Fund and I can't thank them, and everyone that is
helping, enough.
We also got more pictures updated on page three... check out my new
"do" and
the new "do's" of some of my friends :)
Love you all!!
Jen |
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Update 05/28/04
Happy Memorial Day Weekend!
I have completed my first week of radiation treatments and things
seem to
be going pretty well but I am definitely looking forward to having
the next
three days off from everything. I was certainly happy to hear
that even
Cancer has National holidays off! :) I've been dealing
with some heartburn,
have been really achy and pretty tired but its certainly not bad.
As long as
I get plenty of rest, I am pretty much able to keep up a regular
schedule
with work.
I am still working on eating constantly which is actually pretty
comical... lets
see, so far, today's menu has been...
McDonalds Pancakes with sausage
French Dip
Pickle
Potato chips
Chocolate Doughnut
2 Cookies
Honey Roasted Peanuts
Orange
... and it's only 2:00! Haven't even thought about dinner yet!
I am starting
to think that the reason that I am so tired is because I am always
so full!
LOL.
Mark and I are hoping to be able to take the motorhome over to the
Hood
Canal this weekend for a day or two and just get away from
everything. The
thought of sitting by a campfire, even if its raining a little,
sounds really good
to me right now. I guess we have a really low tide now too so
I might get in
some beach combing as well.
"Jen Week" at the Little Red Hen starts this Sunday with my dear
friend "Flo"
from KMPS as celebrity cocktail server. The schedule for the
rest of the week
can be found on the "Auction - Fund Raiser" page of my site.
I should have
more details about the auction by the end of the weekend and will
get that
updated as soon as I know more. From what I hear, there are
going to be
some INCREDIBLE items up for auction, trust me, you are not going to
want
to miss this!
Thanks to everyone for your offers of help with absolutely
everything from cooking
to driving me to appointments. Thanks to my coworkers for
understanding my
schedule. Thanks to my family for letting me complain too
much, and helping me
to laugh often. Thanks to everyone that has made me feel so
completely loved by
just checking in. For someone that always thought that she was
fairly independent,
I am realizing just how very much I need you all. God Bless!
Love, Jen
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Update 06/03/04
You've just got to love short weeks, this one is just cruising by.
Mark and I
were able to get out of town for last weekend and had a great time
sitting by
a campfire and spending time with some friends. Hardly even
got rained on
which was amazing!
I had meetings with my chemo and radiation doctors on Tuesday and
they
are both very impressed with how I am handling my treatments.
The side
effects, at this point aren't bad and although we do expect them to
get worse,
right now, things are good. I am really feeling fine and still
working my full
schedule (with the exception of chemo days... I am taking those days
off)
I still have all my hair, it hasn't even really thinned out yet and
I keep worrying
that if I don't lose it soon, I'll have to shave my head so I wont
feel so guilty
about everyone that cut their hair or shaved their heads to support
me!! :)
Just kidding... NO, I WON'T SHAVE MY HEAD!!! :) I have
had just a little
nausea from the chemo but nothing like I was expecting and it goes
away
with one of the magic little pills that they gave me. The
"sunburn" from the
radiation treatments is just starting to show up and although it
does keep me
warm, its not painful yet. The worst part so far is the
heartburn but I have
started a prescription that will help and have found that Ice Cream
helps too!
What a great way to get rid of heartburn!!!!
It has been an incredible week at the Little Red Hen and HUGE THANKS
to
everyone that has participated. I was able to go in Tuesday
night for a while
during the bake sale. What fabulous desserts!!! Now,
that is how to gain
weight! Check out the "Auction - Fundraising" page for more
information
about the rest of this weeks activities. Also, many thanks to Connie
for
everything that she has done and for all the work that she is doing
on the
upcoming auction. Connie you are working miracles and I appreciate
it
ALL! You amaze me!
I am hoping to get a few more pictures posted from this week as soon
as
possible... keep checking in :D
Love and hugs to you all!!!
Jen
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06/09/04
(Marks Mom's birthday, We love you Elaine! Happy Birthday!)
Not a lot to report this week, but wanted to let you all know that
everything
is still going very smoothly. This is my week "off" from
Chemo, (3 weeks on,
1 week off) but I still have radiation everyday. The radiation
is definitely
starting to show some effects on my skin. The burn isn't too
bad but it is
causing my skin to break out in a horribly itchy rash and it is
driving me
NUTS! The doctor has me on a couple different creams that are
supposed
to help... we'll see. The "heartburn" is still a big issue and
makes it feel like
I am swallowing a tennis ball every time I try to eat or drink
something.
Now, after all that is said, I am really not complaining... these
side effects
are nothing compared to some of the people that I am seeing everyday
and
some of the stories that I hear everyday. My body and system,
so far, has
dealt with all this garbage incredibly, and I am absolutely thrilled
as each
day and treatment passes. So far, I am definitely one of the
lucky ones.
If you haven't had the chance to read the Auction - Fundraiser page,
please do.
The "Jen Week" festivities and activities were an astonishing
success. After
all was said and done, the Little Red Hen deposits totaled
$5893.00.
How
absolutely AWESOME is that. I am so incredibly grateful to
everyone and
completely moved by everyone's generosity. Mere words cannot
define my
gratitude. It is impossible to thank everyone individually,
but please know
that if I could, I absolutely would.
Also, there are some more REALLY COOL items that are going to be
auctioned off on EBay and that is still being figured out.
None of us has
done anything like this before and so the "how to" part is being
worked
on. It should happen within the next week or so and I will
definitely let
you know what we figure out.
Your love and support of me and my family makes my heart soar and
lifts my spirits everyday. You are incredible friends and
family and I am
the luckiest person in the world to have you all holding me up.
Love, Jen |
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Update 06/15/04
Hi everyone, just wanted to touch base and let everyone know that I
am
still doing really good with my treatments. I met with both my
radiation
and Chemo doctors this week and they are still very impressed that I
haven't had stronger reactions to all the garbage that they are
pumping
into me. I have a CT scan scheduled for June 23rd which will
hopefully
show some improvement and let us know if we have to schedule
radiation
for longer that the end of June. Chemo will still continue, at
this point,
until the end of July.
I managed to talk them into letting me skip next Fridays treatment
(25th), of
course it will be made up at the end of the month, but, I GET TO GO
TO
VEGAS WITH LATIGO LACE!! It is something that Mark and I have
been
trying to make happen and now we have the A-OK from the powers that
be. They said as long as I get my Thursday treatment, I can
head out of
town after that... Whoo hooooo! Check out
www.latigolace.com
for
more information about the trip or how you can join us!!!
Please add my dear friend Hope to your prayer lists... she has been
wonderful in helping me with information on cancer and treatments
because it is something that she has been through in the past.
Unfortunately, she has had to start back up on both treatments
recently
but she is a strong woman and I know that this too, is only
temporary.
I talked to Connie today and the EBay auction is close to being
started
and we are just waiting for a couple more donations to come in so
that
everything can be listed at the same time. I should have the
final information
by the weekend. Please be sure to check back for all the final
details.
I wish that I could express how much I appreciate and absolutely
KNOW
that your prayers and thoughts are helping me through this
situation. Just
the lack of side effects is amazing and I attribute it to you, my
support team.
All the positive energy that everyone is sending out on my behalf
has made
me a stronger person with a "Can Kick It" attitude. You are
one of the major
reasons that I am a Future Cancer Survivor.
All my love,
Jen |
|
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Update: 06/22/04
Happy Summer everyone! It's officially summer and the weather
is definitely
proving it around here. The sun is a beautiful thing to see
around here in
Seattle, too bad I have to stay out of it for the most part.
Yesterday was
the longest day of the year and thanks to all the steroids that they
pump
me full of during my Chemo treatments, I was awake for most of it.
Radiation is proving itself to be the worst part of my treatments
and I can
honestly say that I am sick and tired of going every day. It
is causing
absolute havoc with my throat and I am finding it very difficult to
swallow
these days. It's not so much the texture of food, its the
quantity that I
can swallow at a time. The pressure of anything passing down
my throat
is extremely painful and if I try to get too much down at time it
nearly
drives me to tears. The doctors have given me many different
types of
"relievers" but they only work for a little while and it is still
painful at all
times. My burn from the radiation is very pronounced now and
the rash
is still a horrible bother. I still have to remind myself that
if this is the
worst part, I am extremely lucky compared to so many others that are
dealing with Chemo and Radiation.
At this point, radiation is scheduled through the 29th (yep, just
one more
week). I have a CT scan tomorrow so that the doctors can see
how the
treatments have effected the tumor. I also have an appointment
with my
surgeon on July 6th to see if we are going to try the surgery to
remove the
tumor or if we need to schedule more radiation. I am still
scheduled through
the end of July with the Chemo. Chemo is going very smoothly
and there
are no real side effects to speak of, with the exception of the
aforementioned
steroids. They pump me full of them to help my system accept
the Chemo
drugs and keep me from having allergic reactions to them. The
steroids
keep me awake and bouncing off walls. Not fun, but as I said
before, much
better than all the other side effect possibilities. And yes,
I still have all my
hair!!! YEA!!!
I leave for Vegas Thursday night and am REALLY excited. It
seems just
like yesterday that we found out that the band was playing there but
it was
actually January. I guess I have to admit that Mom was
right... time fly's
as you get older, I hate it when she is right, but of course, you'd
think that
I would be used to that by now ;) Love you Mom ;D
All my love to everyone, you are my angels!!!
Jen |
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Please check the "Auction - Fundraiser Info" page for the Little Red
Hen "Jen Week" totals and
notes from Connie and myself. Thanks! ~Jen |
Update 06/30/04:
Hi Everyone,
Las Vegas was AWESOME and we had a wonderful time!! The band
did fantastic
and I am sure that they will be welcomed back with open arms.
The comments
and compliments that they are getting from many that were there,
staff included,
are VERY IMPRESSIVE.
I, on the other hand, didn't do so well... at least as far as
gambling. Lets just say
that my wallet was a lot lighter on the flight home than it was on
the flight down ;)
I also kinda "overdid it" on Friday and spent most of Saturday
making it up to my
system. With as well as I am doing, I tend to forget that I
need to take it a little
easier than usual... opps. Oh well, I'm better now and
starting to get caught up
on the things that get behind when you go out of town. I will
try to get some of
the pictures posted on here next week.
We are at the point where we are starting all the testing and scans
again to see
how the treatments are effecting my cancer. Last Wednesday I
had a CT scan I
and the results came back with "no significant changes" which
doesn't sound
good but the Doctors are still positive. It is SO obvious to
me, and to them, that
the treatments are working on the tumor. I am able to get air
into my lung where
I couldn't before, and they can hear the improvements in my chest.
They said that
it is very possible that the tumor IS shrinking but leaving behind
scar damage and
that is what is showing up on the CT scan. Tomorrow, Thursday,
I have a PET
scan scheduled for 7:00 am and that will tell us lots more. It
will also give us
information about the lymph nodes and if they are benefiting from
all these
treatments too. Friday I have an MRI and then next Tuesday I
meet with my
surgeon with all this information and the test results to find out
the next step,
whether it be surgery or more radiation. Tuesday was my last
scheduled
radiation and even though I may have to start up again, I am
THRILLED to
have the break. Next week is my "week off" from Chemo treatment and
at
this point, I am still scheduled through July.
I will know much more about future treatments and surgery and all
that stuff next
week. You know that I will post everything as soon as I know
so you all can keep
up to date.
I am still completely moved by all of your love. Everyday I get
encouraging emails
regular mail and phone calls and I appreciate it all. You are all so
kind for keeping
me in your thoughts and prayers. Keep it up, IT IS WORKING
WONDERS!!!
Love Jen
XOXO |
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Update: 07/02/04
GREAT
NEWS!!!
Hi Everyone,
Last night I got FANTASTIC NEWS from my doctor. The PET scan results
came
back and they show that the tumor has significantly shrunk!!! The
lymph nodes
also look good!!! I am SO incredibly happy!!! He said that we will
most likely be
doing the surgery to remove the rest of the tumor and have this all
over with!!! I have
an appointment with my surgeon on Tuesday and he makes the final
assessment
from the test results and will let me know exactly what is next. As
you can imagine,
I am bouncing off the walls with excitement!!!
You all have a wonderful 4th of July weekend, you know that I
will!!!
Love Jen |
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Update 07/07/04
I had my meeting with my surgeon yesterday and he has decided that
the next
step in this process is going to be to repeat the Mediastinoscopy
and Bronchoscopy.
(Bronch is the one where they put the camera down into my lung, and
the Media
is the one where they make an incision just below my throat and take
biopsies of
my lymph nodes) I am scheduled to go in and have these done
this Friday, the
9th at 11:45. By doing this, he can actually see that
everything is as good as the
tests and scans are showing. Provided everything still looks
good and the results
come back as favorable as we hope, we will then plan on the surgery.
If there is
any cancer still showing in the lymph nodes at all or anything else
that might make
the surgery pointless, then I will probably get started back on the
radiation and finish
up the chemo. He should also be able to tell by actually
looking at my lung, how
much of it will have to be removed in the surgery.
Last Friday I had an MRI of my head just to double check that
nothing had traveled
up to my brain and the results came back clear. As Dr. Kaplan
told me, "Yes Jen,
you do have a brain!" :D Funny funny man...
I should have the results from the Media/Bronc on Monday or Tuesday
and will keep
you all posted. Thank you all for your wonderful emails
celebrating my good news.
Every one of them makes me smile and just want to jump up and down
with glee.
I am sorry that I didn't answer many of them but I did get them and
it fills my heart
that you are all still checking the website to see how I am doing.
Your thoughts and
prayers are working and I couldn't get through this without all of
you, my dear friends
and family. I love you all very much!!!!
XOXO
Jen
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Update: 07/12/04
Hi'ya Friends!
The procedures on Friday went well and I am healing quickly. It did
produce
some disappointing news but realistically everything is still
very good. The
surgery did show the same significant reduction in the tumor but
there was
still some infections in the lymph nodes. The big surgery isn't an
option at
this point and is now probably out of the question for the future.
They
immediately got me back on radiation every day, (I started back
today) and
that is scheduled thru the end of July. They also had me schedule
Chemo
through the end of August (every Monday, three weeks on and one week
off,
and I also did that today). Since the Chemo and radiation are doing
so much
to reduce things, we are going to stick with it as the main weapon
against
the cancer. At the end of July we will be doing more of the tests to
see what
the status is then and adjust the treatments as necessary. My
doctors are
the BEST and I comfortably put all my faith in their choices.
I know that I say it often but you all have to know that I SINCERELY
appreciate
all the emails and good wishes. You all help to keep me positive
which is a
huge part of the battle. YOU ARE THE BEST!!!
Love you all tons!!!
Jen |
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07/19/04 (Update from Jen following)
SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT:
You can now find items on Ebay that will benefit Jen Collins medical
account.
All monies raised will be donated directly to Jen.
If you go to E-Bay www.ebay.com
and search with the first item # 4314331516,
it will take you to the cedar patio tables. When you reach that
window, you may
click on the "View Sellers Other Items" and it will list all the
items available to help
Jen. That option will be on the right of the listing in the box.
If you have any questions about the Ebay listings, feel free to
e-mail Connie at
connielyn@verizon.net
Thanks,,, happy shopping!
_____________________________________________________________________
Hi everyone!!
A huge thanks to Connie for getting the Ebay stuff up, that is so
awesome!!
Hope that everyone is able to take a look at the great stuff that is
on there!
As far as me, its been a long week. I've been really tired this week
and I
think the treatments are starting to catch up a bit. When they
decided
not to do the lung surgery they upped the strength of my radiation
so that
would explain it. Also, they changed my radiation treatments now so
that
I am on a different machine and they are doing more of a "point"
treatment
so that they can avoid hitting my spinal cord and hitting in the
exact spots
that they need to. It's really an amazing process and it is
extremely detailed.
I saw my Chemo oncologist today before my treatment and he said that
my
blood counts were down a little bit but still really very good.
Nothing to worry
about with that yet which is TOTALLY AWESOME!
Everything is really still very positive and we couldn't be
happier... well, ok,
we could be happier if we weren't in this battle (duh), but since we
are, we
are happy with the way that everything is going. I wake up every
morning
and think about all your thoughts and prayers and it helps me every
day.
Your emails, cards and phone calls are inspiring. Trust me, I know
that I
am blessed by all of the friendship and love that has been shown to
me.
No one deserves to have to go through something like this but
everyone
does deserve to feel the love that I do everyday. Please remember to
tell
everyone that you love that you love them everyday. It's not always
easy
but it's such an awesome feeling, for both parties :)
I LOVE YOU ALL!
Jen |
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Update 07/27/04
Hi Everyone!!
Thanks so much to everyone that participated in the
E-bay auction over the past week!!
I don't have the totals yet but sure that Connie
will get them to me soon. The items that
It seems that I am at the end of most of my
treatments for the time being and am VERY
excited to have some time off. Yesterday was
my last Chemo for at least two weeks and
Thursday is my last Radiation for at least a
month!!! YEA!!!
The Radiation has been pretty hard on me this time
with some extreme esophagitis. I am
having a horrible time swallowing anything at this
point but with the end of the Radiation
treatments that will get better quickly. It
has also made me quite tired this time around
but that is easily taken care of with naps when
necessary. Even with those side effects,
I am still doing really well compared to most
others that are in my shoes. Today was
supposed to be my last treatment but my Radiation
Oncologist, Dr. Barnett, said that
since I am doing so well he wants to add two more
sessions. He said that if I was
dealing with more or worse side effects, that he
certainly wouldn't add on these last two
days of treatment. I obviously don't like the
idea of more days but it just makes me feel
awesome every time my doctors tell me how surprised
they are with my strength and my
body's ability to handle all this so well.
Gotta love it!!!
As far as the Chemo, my oncologist is going to set
me up on a different kind of drug which
is much stronger and will combat the part of the
cancer that is not reacting to the current
Chemo drugs. It is an extremely toxic drug
and requires a hospital stay of around 3 days.
They put the drug in my system and then run fluids
through me to make sure that it doesn't
hurt my internal organs, liver, kidneys, etc.
My oncologist says that this one will be the
one that will make me lose my hair too. He
said that he hasn't had any patients that haven't
lost their hair with this drug. Since that is
something that I have completely prepared myself
for already, I'm not terribly worried... heck, I'm
looking forward to not shaving and trying to
draw my eyebrows... think of all the fun
expressions I can give myself!!! Anyway... I am
meeting with Dr. Kaplan, my Chemo Oncologist, on
Monday August 9th and we will most likely
set up that treatment. I'll definitely keep
you all posted on that.
Thanks to everyone for your daily thoughts and
prayers, they are working with the strength
of nothing that I have seen before. I believe
that I couldn't make it through all this without
knowing that you are all there behind me holding me
up. I am thrilled that I have some
time off from treatments for the next few weeks and
I know that you all are just as happy!!
Thanks soooooooo much for all your support!!!!!
All my love!
Jen
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Update 08/09/04
Hi Everyone,
Sorry that it's been awhile since my last update but I really didn't
have much to report
since I have had a couple weeks off from treatments. It has
been WONDERFUL and
my system is really starting to get back to "normal". The
effects from the radiation
are going away and I am enjoying being able to swallow again, which
is the best part!
I am still dealing with being tired regularly but got the answer to
why that is today.
My blood count is low and I am anemic (due to the previous Chemo
treatments).
I had an appointment with my Chemo Oncologist this morning and we
discussed my
next treatments (the one where they put me in the hospital for a few
days). He said
that he wanted to try and get it done as soon as possible but my
blood counts aren't
high enough yet. He said that it needs to be at least 4.0 and
as of this morning, it
was at 2.4 which is just not good enough and that anemia can cause
the treatment
to be less effective and much harder on me. He told me that he
believed that it would
take a couple weeks before it got back up to where we would be able
to do the
treatment. I have another appointment in two weeks, August 23rd, and
he told me
that when I went in, they would check my blood count, do an x-ray of
my chest and
probably put me in the hospital for the treatment that day or the
next. This is a
process of at least two treatments and they will be 4 weeks apart.
I hope that everyone is doing well and all my love to all of you!
Thank you for keeping me
and my family in your thoughts! I will keep you posted as I
find things out!
Love,
Jen |
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Update: 08/19/04
Cheers All,
Just a quick note to tell you that I am feeling great and looking
forward to
my appointment on Monday to see if my blood counts are up enough to
move forward with the next treatment. I'm not nearly as tired
these days
so I am sure that I am fine and we'll be able to get me back on
track with
treatments.
I am planning on taking our laptop with me to the hospital and
hopefully I will
have internet access so I will definitely keep you posted. If
for some reason
I cant get online to do an update, I'll have Mark write a quick one
to let you all
know how I am doing.
You are all amazing and I want you to know that I am going into the
next phase
of my treatments with the power and strength of all of us combined.
The doctors
were surprised how well my system handled the previous treatments...
I go into
this phase with the goal of astonishing them!!!
All my love,
Jen |
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Update 08/24/04
Greetings from Swedish Hospital!
The blood tests passed and I was admitted in here
yesterday. Spent most of
yesterday just trying to get adjusted to living somewhere
else for a few days and figuring out
how to make everything work so I get food when
I want it etc.... Took a few
trips to the bathroom before figuring out how to deal with
my IV pole or as I like to look at it,
my new "dance partner", I call her Ivy (got that
from a book that I read) and she
doesn't take a lead very well... of course, I have
never been much of a dance leader
;) The food isn't bad, just a little bland and I dealt
with that issue by having Mark bring
me my own salt & pepper shakers. Had an
omelet for breakfast this morning that
was actually really good and I was very
impressed (Even had crispy bacon!!!)
I have had my first two injections of
Chemo already and I have two more to go before
they let me out on Wednesday
afternoon, one today and one tomorrow. No sickness
yet and Dr. Kaplan came in this
morning and said that I am doing great... he doesn't
expect to many problems but said to
expect to be pretty tired for a while ... hmm ...
yea... I can handle that compared to
all the other stuff. Still not sure about the hair
situation with these drugs ... he said
that it is very likely that I will lose it but it will
take a few weeks after treatment.
They have me hooked up to saline constantly and
my bathroom trips are up to one every
1/2 hour... not happy about that but we've got
to get all this junk out of my system
and that's the way that it happens.
When you sit around, like I did all
night last night with the steroids in my system,
and think about your situation, there
are several different ways that your thought
process can go... this is the way that
I have decided to think...
This little
roadblock was put in my path for other reasons... tests of
friendships,
relationships, self worth, self
realization, and so many other things... this was meant
to be a part of my life journey and
lessons, not to end my life journey. This is teaching
me tolerance, which is a lesson that
was direly needed, patience, which, if that wasn't
learned, I would definitely have died
for a totally different reason...lol It is teaching me
understanding of others, acceptance of
difference between people and teaching me that
when you run into someone that is
grumpy, there is likely a reason for it and most times,
its a good reason. Give people
second chances. It is teaching me that people handle
stress and pain, both physical and
emotional in very different ways but they all need love
and tenderness, no matter how icky
they behave. I know that this stuff is all pretty much
obvious but when it becomes part of
your daily lessons, it is more than something that you
just think you understand, it becomes
part of your daily life and how you look at people, for
me, this is all becoming real. I
am working to apply these lessons to other circumstances
in my life. The other issue that
I realize everyday is just how many friends I have that love
me and think of me often. I
NEVER would have realized that I had touched so many people
in my life. Thank you all so
very much for showing me this. This is definitely a fight
and
will continue to be for quite awhile
but these are things that I cherish now. I am and will be
so much the better person for going
through this whole process. Thank you all for helping
me to understand that.
Love you all...
Over and out from Swedish Hospital,
Jen
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Update: 08/25/04
I'm home!!! And not a minute too
soon! While the staff at Swedish was absolutely
incredible and I was treated
wonderful, anyone that has ever stayed at a hospital
for more than a day knows that it just
sucks. This was my first hospital stay and
to be honest, at first I was a little
excited... that dissipated quickly.
Sitting here thinking about the things
I want to tell you about, I seem to be mentally
sorting things into two groups:
Medical: Monday was pretty
basic, I got there around 11:00 am and they got me
situated in my bed, explained how
everything works and got my IV hooked up.
They started me off with a bag of
saline to make sure that I was hydrated to start
with. By 4:00 or so they got me
hooked up on the premeds, (steroids and
anti-nausea) which help to combat the
Chemo side effects, then we started up
on the actual Chemo drugs. By Monday
night, the steroids were definitely taking
effect and I was wound up like a top,
this wasn't a new feeling because they have
loaded me up on them in the previous
"day Chemos" that I have done in the past.
I knew that sleep wasn't going to be
much of an option. Of course, even if I wasn't
bouncing off the walls from the drugs,
they were pumping me so full of fluids that I
was on a constant, every 1/2 hour, run
to the bathroom. By Tuesday morning, I
had been given two more doses of the
steroids and two different types of chemo.
I got about 2 hours of sleep and
through the night was able to write my last update,
respond to about 15 emails and find
every bathroom in the ward (after the first few
late night trips to the bathroom in my
room, I realized that I might be keeping up
my roommate so I figured that I would
go in search of other bathrooms and also
stretch my legs since I was getting up
anyway). By 11:00 am Tuesday they were
able to get me started on my third
dose of Chemo and around 3:00 I was having a
new reaction to the steroids. I
was an emotional basket case and my skin had
completely flushed. It felt like
a fever or a sunburn, one minute sweating hot and
the next minute I was in chills.
There wasn't anything to do about it, just had to let
it run its course through my system.
It was the worst. The good news was that by
Tuesday night, they were ready to give
me a break from being attached to "Ivy" and
around 8:00 they took me off my pole.
I was able to sit in bed and not be tethered
to anything, this also meant that the
bathroom trips would be reduced significantly...
YEA!!! I watched movies until
around 4:00 this morning and then finally drifted off
until about 5:30. My nurse told
me that we could start my last chemo around 6:00
and get me out of the hospital early.
The vein that my IV was in gave up on me and
we had to start a new one... that
added a couple hours to my departure time but I
was done with everything and packed to
leave by 10:30, home by 11:00 and ready
for a nap in my own bed! My
discharge orders and instructions tell me that I should
be prepared to be tired for quite a
few days and by this time next week my immune
system will be way down so I have to
be careful to completely avoid infection. The
hair loss, if it does happen will be
in about 3 or 4 weeks. I go back and do this all
over again around September 20th, 4
weeks.
Non-Medical:
I want to make sure to thank all my
visitors that gave me so much relief and joy just
by showing up and spending time with
me. Mark, Shaekira, my Mom & Dad and
Marks Mom, Vickie, Bernie, Shawn, Adam
and Mark. Thank you all so much for
the hugs and support!!! My room
was also FULL of flowers by Tuesday night and
I want to make sure to thank Bev &
Ted; Sarah, Trevor & Maddie; my parents;
Vickie; and Shawn, Adam and Mark.
Then, I get home and there are more flowers
from my Uncle John and Aunt Phyl and
cousins. My living room looks and smells
like a florist and I cant turn my head
without seeing a beautiful vase of flowers.
It is so wonderfully touching. I
even had people coming to my hospital room
because they heard about all my
beautiful flowers. I received emails and phone calls
from many people with well wishes and
they were all appreciated to the fullest possible
extent. Today, I have around 20
emails to return and it may take a couple days but I
will get back to you all.
Emotionally, this was the most
difficult part so far since the diagnosis. Spending that
much time in that type of environment
with so many others going through the same
type of circumstances is definitely
depressing. I don't like whining and complaining
about my situation, it doesn't make me
feel good and it brings me down, but when
you sit there and talk to the others
going through this sort of thing, that is the most
common connection, the complaining.
It's weird. Of course you also have to tell
the nurses and the doctors every
little thing that doesn't feel right or hurts because it
could be something serious and that
also feels like "complaining" even though it isn't
of course. I found myself in
tears a few times, which of course is acceptable (and
also probably had something to do with
the steroids) but I would have to sit there and
tell myself, "OK, you can do this for
2 minutes, but then you are done, all you are
going to do is bring yourself down and
that is not where you want to be!" The other
way that I kept myself in control was
to think about this update. I try to tell you all
the real part
of my story and I take pride in the fact that I can tell you all
that I am
strong and able to deal with the ugly
parts of this. I enjoy your pride in me when I am
strong even though I know that you all
don't expect it all the time. I am hoping that
this helps to explain your roll in my
process of getting through this. You, just by
reading this update, are a huge part
of my healing process and emotional strength.
People tell me all the time that they
think I am hiding the truth in my updates but I
don't, haven't and wont. You may
not hear about every time I am grumpy or tired but
I try to tell you the big stuff and
let you know where my mind is. I consider this part
of my emotional therapy and that is
what I told the social worker that came to see
me in the hospital. I guess they
talk to everyone and when it was my turn, I told her
all about my website and the updates
and how much strength I get from you all. She
was very impressed and said that she
was going to take a look at it. Now that I am
home I am exhausted and still wound up
pretty high. I really don't feel good but I am
sure that tonight will bring me more
rest and that is bound to help.
This is a long update but I want to
thank you for taking the time to read it and keep
up with my issues, struggles and
success. Please remember, you are part of my
strength, I depend on you.
Love, Jen
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Update: 09/07/04
Hi everyone,
Sorry for the delay in an update.
After getting caught up on my sleep from the
hospital stay, I have been feeling
really good. The biggest news, as of this past
Saturday, my hair has started coming
out. Nothing obvious at this point but the
process has begun. We were all
expecting it and I am really OK with it but the
first time I noticed it, it certainly
took me by surprise. Guess its time to go
shopping and find some fun hats and
scarves. I am also looking for neat ways to
tie scarves if anyone knows of any,
please let me know.
The bigger chaos in my life at this
point is with my work. Sunday, the day before
my last treatment, the restaurant
flooded. We had two and a half inches of rain in
a couple hours and it proved too much
for the roof. When my bosses got to the
restaurant, they found eight inches of
rain still standing on the roof waiting it's turn
to run through the roof, ceiling,
light fixtures, walls and wind up two floors down.
Needless to say, we had to close down
and start demolition and reconstruction.
Of course, that hasn't started yet
because obviously the roof has to be fixed first
and that hasn't been started yet.
Anyone that has dealt with insurance companies
knows that the process doesn't move
very quickly. In this case, we are dealing
with a few different insurance
companies, roof inspectors, mold inspectors, building
owners and the such, so, well, even
slower. At this point, it looks like we will be
closed for at least a few more weeks.
So anyway, I am now, officially on "vacation".
My next three day treatment and
hospital stay is on September 20th and after that
I will be doing all the CT scans and
PET scans to see how these treatments are
working on the cancer. Depending
on those results, I either get a break for a while
or do two more of these chemo
treatments. Either way, we will be doing whatever
is best.
By the way, the September issue of
Seattle Magazine is about Seattle's Top Doctors
and both my Chemo Oncologist and
Radiation Oncologist are on the relatively short
lists. I always knew that they
were the best but it is really inspiring to see it in print.
I am in GREAT hands and have put my
full faith in their decisions.
Love you all!
Jen
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Update 9/10/04:
Well, it's official, I am bald. My hair was
falling out quickly and I could actually see
the shape of my scalp through the hair that I had
left, so today I said, "that's it". I
called Melinda, she is the wonderful hairdresser
that cut my hair short a couple
months ago. She squeezed me into her schedule
today and shaved off what was
left of my hair. It's REALLY weird but not as
bad as I thought it was going to be,
thank heavens I have a pretty nicely shaped head!!!
A few days ago I went shopping
and bought a bunch of scarves and a couple really
cool hats. I have been playing
with different ways to wear them since I got home.
Other than that I have been dealing with SUPER
sensitive skin. I talked to Dr.
Kaplan yesterday and he said that I seem to be
right on schedule for how most
people react to the Chemo that I am on now.
The extra sensitive skin should go
away by next week and I cant wait, its really
obnoxious.
Just a short update this time, just wanted to keep
everyone up to date with what's
new. Please know that I am still extremely
positive and grateful for the strength
that you all give me.
Love, Jen
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Update 09/20/04;
Hi all, I am at home. I
was scheduled to be put in the hospital today for my second
round of intensive Chemo but when I
got there and had my blood test, I was anemic.
We canceled this treatment and
rescheduled it for next Monday. My doctor said that
my iron count should be back up by
then. I kinda thought this might happen as I have
been pretty tired over the last week
and taking quite a few naps.
Everything else is good, my skin
doesn't constantly feel like I am being stuck with pins
and needles and most of the
sensitivity is gone. I am getting used to wearing the
scarves
on my head and have found some fun
ways to tie them. Since it is starting to get cold
outside I have to go find some warmer
hats, will probably do that this week.
The restaurant is still closed but it
sounds like they are finally getting some work done
and we will hopefully be reopening
around the first week of October. It has been nice to
have some time off but, I can't
believe I am saying this, I miss working, jeez, I am sick ;)
I hope this finds all of you in good
health and happy times! Thanks for keeping me in
your thoughts and prayers!!!
Love you!!!
Jen
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Update 09/27/04
I am writing from my hospital bed here
at Swedish Hospital, room 1245. Guess what?????
I got a PRIVATE room this time!!!!
I am so excited that I don't have to worry about keeping
my roommate up at all hours with my
constant bathroom trips. After blowing up a couple
veins, we finally found one that would
accept the IV with no problems... just call me "Pin
Cushion Collins"... lets just say,
thank heavens for Lidocain!!
Anyway, I am here and day one is over.
I should be out of here on Wednesday morning
and back home by Wednesday afternoon.
I am online with the hospital phone line so if
you try to call it will probably be
busy, I have my cell phone with me if you have that
number and want to contact me, and of
course, you can always email me, I will respond
as I get the chance.
Thank you so much for everything, love
you all VERY much!!!
Love Jen
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Hi All,
Here is a quick update so you all know
that I am doing well :D I got home from the
hospital yesterday and am very happy
to report that the second round is over. I am
feeling ok and was actually able to
get some sleep this time while I was there so I
am not completely exhausted like last
time. My doctor had me go into the hospital
today to get a shot that will help to
keep up my immune system which is, at this point,
the biggest concern. The next
step is next Thursday when I go in to make sure that
my blood levels are good and the shot
that I got this morning is helping. From there,
I will get a CT scan, not scheduled
yet but should be within the next week.
At this point, I am getting ready to
run away for the weekend. This is our annual
Fish Lake camping trip weekend I am
MORE than ready to get out and commune with
nature... or at least sit in front of
a campfire for the whole weekend and worry about
nothing more than who is in charge of
putting the next log on the fire. I am expecting
it to do wonders for my attitude,
which has been better and will be again.
The restaurant is still closed but is
progressing well. We are hoping to reopen within
the next couple weeks and it will be
great to get back onto a regular schedule.
I will post more next week when I am
feeling a little more back to normal.
LOVE YOU ALL!!!
Jen
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Update: 10/04/04
Hi Everyone,
I am back from camping and have a
renewed spirit. I am feeling better and ready to
continue on with all my "reality".
The weekend started a bit rocky with my emotions
rollercoastering and my "will" to feel
good was overpowered by my body's need to feel
bad. It's really hard to
describe but, I sit there and feel myself reacting badly to
something or I just start crying and I
cant stop it even though in my head I am thinking,
this is ridiculous... cut it out!!
Then, when I cant stop, I get frustrated and so it gets
worse. It is horrible, a
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